What to discuss with young adults before they go out on their own

For many parents, this summer may be the last time before their nearly adult child heads off to college or out to live on their own.

Be it at a university or merely across town, many will be on their own for the first time in their lives. Truly independent, these young people will have freedom to make choices about their own life experiences.

These new experiences will include the chance to meet others, make new friends, go on dates, and make choices about sex. Another choice is likely to be easy access to alcohol and drugs – and a heightened danger of unwanted sexual advances or assault.

Research shows people in their late teens to early 20s generally drink more heavily than at any other time in their lives. Drug-facilitated sexual assault, involving drugs such as “ecstasy,” “Special K,” “roofies,” and of course alcohol, isn’t uncommon. Such substances are often used by offenders at parties or clubs to cause someone to become disoriented and lose their ability to make clear decisions.

Here is a most startling reality: 1 in 5 women in college and 1 in 16 men experience sexual assault.

According to PubMed. gov, demographic characteristics that increase vulnerability to being targeted by a rapist include those young people who:

• have dated at a younger age;

• had early sexual activity;

• have a history of sexual abuse or prior sexual victimization;

• are more accepting of rape myths and violence toward women.

The good news is that parents can make a huge difference, especially if they talk to their young adults before they head off on their own. Research shows young adults are less likely to drink/use drugs when their parents have talked to them about the problems they can cause.

Just telling them to stay away from alcohol/drugs is not enough. One of the biggest threats to young adults may be the belief nothing bad will happen to them. Here are some suggestions for conversations with young adults “leaving the nest”:

It’s OK to set limits about drinking and not give in to peer pressure about drinking too much.Drinking a lot can cause alcohol poisoning. The alcohol content in sweet drinks like “Jello shots” or “Jagerbombs” can be dangerously high, and people tend to drink these quickly.

It’s possible to drink a deadly amount of alcohol before passing out. If someone passes out, call for help immediately. Don’t assume they’ll be fine by “sleeping it off.” They can die from alcohol poisoning or choking on their own vomit.Being drunk makes them vulnerable to being targeted and sexually assaulted.A person who is out of it, because of drugs, alcohol or other reason, cannot give consent.Discuss having a buddy system with friends before going out: Keep an eye on each other and intervene if things look suspicious; nobody leaves with a stranger; don’t accept drinks from someone not known and trusted; don’t leave drinks unattended – perpetrators look for opportunities to spike them. And, when leaving, pay attention to what’s going on around them – don’t wear earbuds, and do lock doors when in their car, room or apartment.

Keep up these conversations. Gently remind young people to drink responsibly for the safety of themselves, their friends and their community. And make sure they know that nothing – not flirting, previous consent or consensual sex, or unconsciousness – is permission for anyone to force sex on anyone.

Malinda Williams is executive director of Community Against Violence (CAV) which offers FREE confidential support and assistance for child and adult survivors of sexual and domestic violence, dating violence, stalking, and child and elder abuse; community and school violence prevention programs; re-education groups for people using power and control in their relationships; counseling; shelter; transitional housing; and community thrift store. To talk, call CAV’s 24-hour hotline at 575-758-9888.

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